Why Christ in a Partner Matters More Than Looks
When it comes to relationships, the saying “beauty is only skin deep” holds more truth than most of us want to admit. Physical attraction can draw us in at first glance, but if that’s the only foundation for a relationship, it will eventually collapse.
Looks fade, charm can deceive, but a heart anchored in Christ will endure forever. The world tells us to chase beauty, but God calls us to look deeper. The bible teaches us that sin manifests in primarily three forms. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. (1 John 2:16). These are not from God. These are the primary roots that manifest our sinful nature. We are attracted to beauty and external looks and we define it as love, when in reality, it is lust. The relationship starts with lust, and we try to steer it towards “love”, but when the lust dies out, the love dies too.
The Fleeting Nature of Physical Beauty
Think about it—how many people invest hours in the gym, spend fortunes on skincare products, or chase fashion trends just to stay “beautiful”? Yet no matter how hard we try, youth eventually fades. Wrinkles come, bodies change, and outward appearance doesn’t last. Everyone eventually grows old. Beauty fades. When you are attracted to someone “hot” or very attractive to the eyes, just take a moment and look forward a few years. Try to picture that person in their fifties or sixties. Usually, these attractions are youthful lusts that are not aligned with God’s will and God’s word exhorts us to flee youthful lusts. (2 Timothy 2:22).
The Bible reminds us:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
Real beauty isn’t measured by flawless skin or perfect features—it’s measured by the presence of Christ within.
A few years ago, my family and I were trying to purchase a home for ourselves. We found one which looked beautiful from the outside, was very secure because it was in a gated community. All amenities such as grocery stores, bus stops, train stations, schools, were all accessible easily and the home was in prime location. It suited our budget too. But when we stepped inside for inspection, we discovered that there were building faults and were in fact classified as leaky homes. Considering all the other benefits, would you want to still live there? Of course not.
A person without Christ is like that house—beautiful on the outside, but spiritually empty within. It will be just a matter of time when the initial attraction and infatuation will turn to nightmare. The world’s statistics on divorces are testimony to this. On the other hand, someone whose heart belongs to Christ may not look “perfect” by worldly standards, but their foundation is solid. With them, you’ll find peace, stability, and eternal value.
Godly Character Outshines External Beauty
External beauty might attract attention, but godly character keeps relationships strong.
Peter wrote:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment… Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter 3:3–4)
A Christ-centered partner radiates a beauty that no makeup or hairstyle could ever produce. Their joy, kindness, humility, and love make them truly attractive. More importantly, the peace and mutual respect for each other when in a relationship with such a person is from God. Imagine a home with so much less arguments, a regular time of united prayer, a great example of parenthood to children, a loving home, and an atmosphere of constant worship and gratitude towards God! Would you not want that? It all starts with choosing the right partner, not by looking at external beauty, but looking for Christ in him or her.
What to Look for in a Potential Partner
When seeking a relationship, instead of asking, “Is this person attractive?” try asking:
- Do they love Jesus more than anything else?
- How eager are they to be at church and prayer meetings?
- What do they talk most about? Do they bring Jesus into the conversation often?
- Are they generous towards those in need?
- Do they show fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23)?
- Do they value purity, faithfulness, and truth over temporary pleasures?
A partner’s relationship with Christ will affect how they treat you, how they handle challenges, and how they commit to love for a lifetime. If they are 100% committed to Christ, then they will remain committed to you as well.
Leah in the Bible wasn’t considered as physically beautiful as her sister Rachel (Genesis 29:17). Jacob went with external looks and the bible says, he deeply loved Rachel. Yet God chose Leah to be the mother of Judah—the tribe through which Jesus Himself was born. Her story is a reminder that God looks beyond appearance to fulfill His purposes.
True beauty is found in God’s plan, not in outward appearance.
Seek Christ First
If you are seeking a partner, remember this: a beautiful girl with no relationship with Christ or a “Christian” by name only is empty, but an “ugly” girl with Christ is radiant. The same applies to men— a great physique with a six pack and a charming face without Christ amount to nothing, but a Christ-filled heart is priceless.
When you choose someone whose life is built on Christ, you’re not just choosing a partner—you’re choosing a future grounded in faith, hope, and eternal love. So, when you’re drawn to someone’s outward beauty, pause and ask: Do they have Christ in their heart? Because at the end of the day, beauty is only skin deep, but Christ in a person is eternal.
We are citizens of heaven. Although we live in this world, we are not of this world. We are called to live by a different set of rules. Rules that are from God and are meant to bless us with an abundant life full of joy and peace. Let us live as citizens of heaven.